December 2009
Some Children See Him, Inner Voices
Who Comes This Night, James Taylor
(No more JT...
In the Bleak Midwinter, James Taylor.
ahem. →
I told you.
The basic concepts you need to grasp here: 1.) God is a bona fide, discrete human person who lives in the actual sky, 2.) Thin people suck, 3.) Ewwww, trees, and, 4.) The NY Times is maybe not what it used to be.
wake us and we drown →
So, I’m writing this long, intensely stupid article about Dracula (which I plan to dedicate to Alexa when I post it). As a result I am always on the prowl for Dracula ‘news.’
I want to say: THIS WILL BE A TERRRRRRRRIBLE MOVIE! COLIN FARRELL IS NOT A GOOD CHOICE FOR VLAD! HE IS AN AWFUL CHOICE FOR VLAD. HE IS MAYBE THE WORST CHOICE EVER FOR VLAD, NOT LEAST BECAUSE HE IS VISIBLY IRISH. AND...
It is nothing but a lot of nonsense about girls... →
As you may or may not know, I strongly dislike Jane Austen and her crapass novels. Not even I, however, would wish to heap upon her empty head such a wretched insult as that. They should’ve called it Crime & Punishment & More Punishment & There’s More Where That Came From. What were those comics colored with? Coffee? Dried poop?
awwwww.
My mom just discovered Phoebe Price. So cute!
NO!!! THOSE DAYS ARE GONE AWAY!!!!!! →
Every new Robin Hood movie is the new worst Robin Hood movie ever.
which are the fairest flowers? →
BREAKING NEWS: Richard II was actually a person! I thought he was a character in one of Shakespeare’s plays who may or may not have been a fairy. Ooops! (I try not to learn anything about European history so that I have more room left in my head for American, or “real,” history, and cheesecake recipes.)
Richard was hot, and possibly gay, and “probably not insane.” That is my kind of...
and a little bit of fairy dust! →
FUCKING ACACIA? DID YOU BASTARDS ACTUALLY READ IT? WELL THEN YOU’VE GOT ONE ON ME, BECAUSE I WAS SO BORED I GAVE UP HALFWAY THROUGH.
I mean it’s heads and shoulders and hats and kemonomimi and heart-shaped antenna above garbage like Twilight and The Lovely Bones and The Time Traveler’s Wife, but WHAT WHAT WHAT. NO.
(h/t also Starlady)
WHAT SHE SAID. →
I couldn’t have framed my objections to The Lovely Bones in better terms, and +1 to the often self-imposed ‘genre ghetto.’
(I didn’t even try Kafka on the Shore. I love myself.)
(h/t Starlady)
OMG!: Taylor Lautner Cover Repeats the Same Old... →
THAT IS A GOOD & SEXY IDEA! ALL OF IT. COSMOPOLITAN IS RAD.
alexalindh:
A popular magazine re-hashing the same topics over and over?! NO. It is unpossible!
For anyone who has ever bought an issue of Cosmopolitan, this does not come as a shock. No one in popular journalism is going to give you any “new” tips on money, fitness, or nutrition. Nor have they discovered some fresh, modern...
demon in a angel (a sasuke love story) →
Given that fandom has turned into a kind of performance art lately, it can be hard to tell whether your favorite wankable is genuine, or the work of a black-clad, middle-aged professional satirist named George. So, I don’t know if this is real. But it is pretty great.
This is a link to Chapter 13, in which a bitchy whore arrives to spice up the story.
vorüber! ach, vorüber! geh, wilder knochenmann! →
I’m trying to decide what appalls me more about this post, and the attempt this idiot is making to disguise her personal hysteria as feminism:
1.) The fact that people who are unable to parse fiction for meaning always seem very comfortable criticizing it publicly, or, 2.) The fact that the moron stuck Patrick Stewart’s piece about the real abuse he witnessed as a child onto the end of a...
white & delightsome →
So. I suppose there is more than one person named ‘Orson Scott Card’?
I hope there are, like, nine of them. And that they all get together and rip this one’s lips off.
Reason #490,328,945,173,004,536,998 Mormonism should be banned from public practice. Also, remove that second “m” and I think you’ve got the real truth behind the “religion.” Also: He owes me money, lots of fresh...
i’m going to write some chekhov/kurt slash →
Awww! Awww! Awwww!!!
When did Conan get so annoying?
“And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England’s mountains green?...”
– William Blake, The New Jerusalem
(P.S. — What the hell is he talking about?)
scene(s) from a thanksgiving
MOM: And that guy, that vampire guy, what's his name? Patrick Robertson?
MY COUSIN NANCY: Ahaha! Yes, Linda! It's Patrick Robertson.
MOM: Well, I don't think he's good-looking at all.
ME: Me either. I think he looks like somebody threw Peter Lorre and Elvis in a blender. Set to 'ugly.'
MOM: ...I think he looks like a cross between a hatchet and a cherry.
ME: [*HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER*]
ME: [*ASTHMA ATTACK*]
ME: [*TAKES HIT OF STEROID INHALER*]
ME: C-c-c-could s-s-s-s-s-sssssssomebody p-p-passsssss meeee t-that tur-tur-tur —
GREAT UNCLE: [*SILENTLY HANDS OVER THE POTATOES, WHICH I WAS ACTUALLY POINTING AT*]
ME: T-t-t-t-t-t-ttttttth-han-han-han —
GREAT UNCLE: Don't mention it.
What Happened When the Spiders Met the "Pooter"? →
This is a real article, with a real title, that just came up in the BBC newsfeed. It is not, as you might suppose, a Harry Potter press piece.
Also: GIANT CAVE SPIDERS? SQUATTING IN A HOUSE?? IS “SQUATTING” REALLY THE WORD WE WANT TO USE IN THIS CONTEXT, THE BBC?
Also: Yorkshire is like Disneyworld for gothic fiction geeks. If I don’t see at least two ghosts, a vampire, a...
(I think I need a real blog again.)
the world revolved from night to day →
I’ve been torturing my poor eyeballs with hyperdramatic digital endorsements of the literary gravitas of Twilight, for, like, an hour and a half. Clearly, my mother made a mistake somewhere. (I blame Spock’s dentures.)
Two of the most disheartening things I’ve ever read, ever, ever, like, ever (edited to make sense in grown-up talk): 1.) The idea that Twilight is controversial...
