MOVIES I HAVE RECENTLY WATCHED WHICH EVERYBODY ELSE HATED BUT I REALLY LIKED:

  • Monuments Men
  • Be Kind Rewind
  • How I Live Now
  • Rush
  • C.O.G.

MOVIES I HAVE RECENTLY WATCHED WHICH EVERYBODY ELSE REALLY LIKED BUT I HATED:

  • Frozen
  • The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
  • Beasts of the Southern Wild

MOVIES I HAVE RECENTLY WATCHED WHICH EVERYBODY ELSE REALLY LIKED AND I ALSO REALLY LIKED:

  • Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier
  • Captain Phillips
  • 12 Years A Slave
  • Coriolanus (the Fiennes one)
  • About Time

MOVIES I HAVE RECENTLY WATCHED WHICH EVERYBODY ELSE HATED AND I ALSO HATED:

  • The Counselor

MOVIES I AM REALLY EXCITED TO SEE BUT HAVEN’T HAD A CHANCE TO WATCH YET:

  • A Field In England
  • The Grand Budapest Hotel
  • Dom Hemingway
  • American Hustle
  • Under The Skin

MOVIES I PLAN TO WATCH FROM BENEATH A SHINGLE OF SUBTERRANEAN SHADE AT THREE IN THE MORNING WHILE EATING INAPPROPRIATE SNACK FOODS AND MAKING SARCASTIC COMMENTS TO THE CAT:

  • God’s Not Dead
  • Only Lovers Left Alive

MOVIES WHICH WERE RECENTLY ADDED TO NETFLIX WHICH DESCRIBE IN EXACTING DETAIL THE CULTURE OF MY CHILDHOOD WORLD, IF YOU CARE:

  • The Gift (the Cate Blanchett one, there are several)

SKETCHY-LOOKING MOVIES THAT ARE COMING OUT SOON WHICH I PLAN TO WATCH ANYWAY BECAUSE THEY HAVE RORY KINNEAR IN THEM:

  • The Imitation Game
  • Cuban Fury

DID THIS POST TURN OUT TO BE WAY LONGER THAN YOU EXPECTED:

  • Yes

HOW BAD IS MY SHOULDER HURTING NOW, EVEN THOUGH IT WASN’T HURTING AT ALL BEFORE:

  • Pretty Bad
  • Goodnight
  • See You Tomorrow
SOMEBODY ASKED ME WHAT I THOUGHT ON TUMBLR:
I thought Pacific Rim was great! I perceived it (awesomely) as the well-done dub of a live-action anime film, and I can understand why some people might find that distancing — but me, I thought it was fantastic. I liked the jaeger names, I thought the actors calibrated their performances beautifully and looked correct (because in an anime a character’s physical design also describes the shape of her personality), the effects were cool, there was a dog and a tragic nii-san, all the stuff I like. I hope there is going to be a sequel?
Now I am seeing that I actually want to write about it, oh dear.

SOMEBODY ASKED ME WHAT I THOUGHT ON TUMBLR:

I thought Pacific Rim was great! I perceived it (awesomely) as the well-done dub of a live-action anime film, and I can understand why some people might find that distancing — but me, I thought it was fantastic. I liked the jaeger names, I thought the actors calibrated their performances beautifully and looked correct (because in an anime a character’s physical design also describes the shape of her personality), the effects were cool, there was a dog and a tragic nii-san, all the stuff I like. I hope there is going to be a sequel?

Now I am seeing that I actually want to write about it, oh dear.

dcu

dcu:

So this is a thing that is happening.

I am pretty excited about this! I think JGL is both hot and self-aware enough to pull it off without resorting to canned franchise cheese and swoopy superhero bombast, and I’m glad it doesn’t seem to be stacking up like a generic, overproduced CGI monstrosity. (Maybe?)

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS UPDATE NEWS ENTERTAINMENT NEWS UPDATED

  1. Did you know they’re remaking The Highlander? They’re remaking The Highlander. Experts agree it is already a piece of garbage even though it hasn’t even started filming yet, and it began its unwanted existence starring tedious unattractive smirking plastic-faced loser Ryan Reynolds.
  2. Also, TWO guaranteed-flop movies about two different sets of inexcusable fuckwits who died trying to climb Mt. Everest are currently being worked on. One of them features Benedict Cumberbatch as some dumb/possibly insane famous English guy who failed to climb Everest so spectacularly it took them 75 years to find his body (it costars literally every white British guy who has ever lived — seriously, I think they’re planning to cast the long-decayed corpses of Richard Burton and Rex Harrison in supporting roles), and the other one stars Josh Brolin as a more contemporary moron who decided he would like to imperil himself on the slopes of a giant, immortal mountain that will still be holding up the heavens when the bones of his great-great-great grandchildren are dust.
  3. Is there a more perfect metaphor for the wrathful futility of white cultural achievement than mountain climbing? It’s expensive, difficult, often fatal, and completely pointless. Really, there is no point in climbing a mountain, except to prove to everybody (?) that you are the best! Flawless, white people. Having solved created the world’s problems, I’m glad you were able to move on to other things so quickly. Oh, wait, there might be one better expression of pointless white-people competitiveness welded to the more damaging mainstays of white wealth-seeking and white ethnocentrism, and that is the “exploration” of jungles in search of “lost” civilizations!
  4. Fortunately Benedict Cumberbatch is also making a movie about that.
  5. I guess he just decided he didn’t really want to be a movie star, and preferred to turn his rejection of success into performance art. I can respect that.

MAYBE THERE IS A GOD?
(i would still have loved thandie newton, but you can’t have everything.)

BY THE SCREENWRITER OF WALLANDER.

Julian Fellowes wrote the first version of the Strange & Norrell film, and I was totally prepared to die for love of it (provided that I did not have to miss any meals), and then Julian Fellowes was like hmm, I think this movie should be filmed in 3D!, and I was like WHAT THE FUCK JULIAN FELLOWES, I’M MORE ATTRACTED TO YOUR SPIRITUAL SIDE, and then New Line exploded after The Golden Compass and it seemed like the movie would never get made. Which was good, probably, because based on the typical fantasy-moviegoing experience there was every chance it would’ve become Joanna Strange: Girl Magician, and it would star Amanda Seyfried and Johnny Depp, and possibly it would be a musical and in 3D and in IMAX, and also it would be a source of pain and despair to me forever.

But now it’s being made for real! By British people! Into a six-part miniseries! And I am only two months late to the news! Better than usual, hooray!

Oh man, I wish they’d hurry and cast someone as John Uskglass so I could go live in his trashcans. (Of course I’m just kidding.)

(I will live in the sewer underneath his apartment building.)

I just watched this kind-of-terrible movie called Jack and Diane; it’s about two teenaged girls having a summer romance while just livin’ life, you know how that shit goes. And apparently one of the girls is a werewolf! Really! But not really? I hope no one will be too surprised when I tell you that whether or not one of the girls is a werewolf is actually the least-interesting object in the movie. For example, Jack and Diane has the sort of sex scenes that the class of movie critic who sometimes get to wear teevee make-up usually refer to as “steamy,” if you like that sort of thing. Also, the fact that it is named after a Mellencamp song and is about gay characters should clue you in to what sort of sardonical hand-made sentiments the plot will apply to your eyeballs — surrealism, a postmodern approach to time and linearity, “violence,” adolescent sexuality as partially-unconscious exhibitionism. Barf? A little barf. What makes Jack and Diane something to watch repeatedly, though, is the almost unbearably great performance by Riley Keough, Elvis’s granddaughter. She is one of the most brilliant actors I have ever seen in my life. She is as good as Dustin Hoffman was in Midnight Cowboy. She is as good as a translucent, emaciated British graduate of RADA who talks like a Malfoy and has a name that sounds like it was designed for a failed Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. She should be in literally all of the movies. Why is she not in every single movie? She is also as beautiful as she is talented, if that is possible. I watched her, transfixed, barely breathing, as she made this kind-of-terrible not-quite-a-werewolf movie into a work of art, almost by accident, because she herself is a construct of astonishing, actorly consequence. Put her in all of the movies, please. Immediately.
The rest of the cast is also great, especially Juno Temple, and the movie itself is not a nightmare, especially if you’ve been prepared for it (as I have just prepared you, no need to thank me). (You will come to realize that that’s a joke, if you are smart enough to watch Jack and Diane.)
Next I am watching Beasts of the Southern Wild, wish me luck.Hopefully no one will be a werewolf.(Or at least, if one of them is a werewolf, he or she will have the decency not to be coy about it.) 

I just watched this kind-of-terrible movie called Jack and Diane; it’s about two teenaged girls having a summer romance while just livin’ life, you know how that shit goes. And apparently one of the girls is a werewolf! Really! But not really? I hope no one will be too surprised when I tell you that whether or not one of the girls is a werewolf is actually the least-interesting object in the movie. For example, Jack and Diane has the sort of sex scenes that the class of movie critic who sometimes get to wear teevee make-up usually refer to as “steamy,” if you like that sort of thing. Also, the fact that it is named after a Mellencamp song and is about gay characters should clue you in to what sort of sardonical hand-made sentiments the plot will apply to your eyeballs — surrealism, a postmodern approach to time and linearity, “violence,” adolescent sexuality as partially-unconscious exhibitionism. Barf? A little barf. What makes Jack and Diane something to watch repeatedly, though, is the almost unbearably great performance by Riley Keough, Elvis’s granddaughter. She is one of the most brilliant actors I have ever seen in my life. She is as good as Dustin Hoffman was in Midnight Cowboy. She is as good as a translucent, emaciated British graduate of RADA who talks like a Malfoy and has a name that sounds like it was designed for a failed Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. She should be in literally all of the movies. Why is she not in every single movie? She is also as beautiful as she is talented, if that is possible. I watched her, transfixed, barely breathing, as she made this kind-of-terrible not-quite-a-werewolf movie into a work of art, almost by accident, because she herself is a construct of astonishing, actorly consequence. Put her in all of the movies, please. Immediately.

The rest of the cast is also great, especially Juno Temple, and the movie itself is not a nightmare, especially if you’ve been prepared for it (as I have just prepared you, no need to thank me). (You will come to realize that that’s a joke, if you are smart enough to watch Jack and Diane.)

Next I am watching Beasts of the Southern Wild, wish me luck.
Hopefully no one will be a werewolf.
(Or at least, if one of them is a werewolf, he or she will have the decency not to be coy about it.) 

I watched Hey, Let’s Have Another Look at Thor! Thor and Some Other Boring People Are Standing in a Forest Thor: In This One He Leaves His Shirt On Snow White and the Huntsman, an exciting computer-generated fairy tale set in the Land of Humorously Terrible Accents. It was pretty boring! And really long. Really long and quite boring, is how I would characterize this film, and the only person in the entire movie who acted well was… Chris Hemsworth??????? Yes, that was in fact the case. Also his weird accent was less ear-murderingly dumb than I expected, and at least remained consistent from scene to scene. He stayed, however, depressingly clothed.  I thought the producers abandoning the other characters for a sequel titled Just the Huntsman was a naked attempt to capitalize on the innate human desire to gaze upon Thor in his natural habitat, but — nope! He was actually the only interesting thing in the film. (Also, his face. He has that face. That one you’re looking at.)
Ummm, the dialogue was strictly Cliffs Notes, the landscapes were beautiful but clearly traded on clichés of scenes from better fantasy films (mostly LotR), the narrative arcs were both too long and unoriginal, the beasts and fairies were stupid-looking, the dumb evil queen was all vamp and no ire (but she was beautifully-designed), and the dwarves were visibly prosthetic. Also, why are all dwarves “Scottish”? I believe the Huntsman was also supposed to be “Scottish,” now that I think about it. Maybe he is part dwarf? #Carrot Ironfoundersson
It reminded me a little of the Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess series of my childhood, but without the enlightening gay subtexts and funny-on-purpose self-awareness. The hollywood gossip articles mention that the Snow White writer isn’t doing Just the Huntsman, so maybe somebody who actually knows what time it is will make up a story that isn’t a patchwork of forty different ‘original fiction’ submissions to the AO3.
If you like Thor, probably you already saw this movie! If you don’t like him, there’s nothing much to see.

I watched Hey, Let’s Have Another Look at Thor! Thor and Some Other Boring People Are Standing in a Forest Thor: In This One He Leaves His Shirt On Snow White and the Huntsman, an exciting computer-generated fairy tale set in the Land of Humorously Terrible Accents. It was pretty boring! And really long. Really long and quite boring, is how I would characterize this film, and the only person in the entire movie who acted well was… Chris Hemsworth??????? Yes, that was in fact the case. Also his weird accent was less ear-murderingly dumb than I expected, and at least remained consistent from scene to scene. He stayed, however, depressingly clothed.  I thought the producers abandoning the other characters for a sequel titled Just the Huntsman was a naked attempt to capitalize on the innate human desire to gaze upon Thor in his natural habitat, but — nope! He was actually the only interesting thing in the film. (Also, his face. He has that face. That one you’re looking at.)

Ummm, the dialogue was strictly Cliffs Notes, the landscapes were beautiful but clearly traded on clichés of scenes from better fantasy films (mostly LotR), the narrative arcs were both too long and unoriginal, the beasts and fairies were stupid-looking, the dumb evil queen was all vamp and no ire (but she was beautifully-designed), and the dwarves were visibly prosthetic. Also, why are all dwarves “Scottish”? I believe the Huntsman was also supposed to be “Scottish,” now that I think about it. Maybe he is part dwarf? #Carrot Ironfoundersson

It reminded me a little of the Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior Princess series of my childhood, but without the enlightening gay subtexts and funny-on-purpose self-awareness. The hollywood gossip articles mention that the Snow White writer isn’t doing Just the Huntsman, so maybe somebody who actually knows what time it is will make up a story that isn’t a patchwork of forty different ‘original fiction’ submissions to the AO3.

If you like Thor, probably you already saw this movie! If you don’t like him, there’s nothing much to see.

I tried to watch Parade’s End (which I compulsively attempt to refer to as Parade’s Rest, which, hahaha), but it was excruciatingly dull and I gave up. I’ve never read the series the show is based on, but I did read The Good Soldier and The Inheritors when I was in college, and I remember them both being excellent, depressing, and extensively non-dull. So, it must be a bad adaptation? Or something? Also it seems like Benedict Cumberbatch bleached all the hot out of his face when he dyed his hair. I am not normally a fictional-posh hater, but I wanted all of these characters to close the first episode by dying horrible screaming deaths by fire, in their mausoleum-like mansions. Eesh.
Speaking of horrible screaming deaths by fire, I watched The Deep Blue Sea. I didn’t want to but I got out-voted, which is good, because it is an excellent movie. Really, really excellent. It reminded me a little of The End of the Affair, only it was, you know, completely different. Rachel Weisz is one of the best actors I’ve ever seen — in addition to being stunningly gorgeous and having fantastic hair — and Tom Hiddleston was also really great. He was great! Super-great. I was pretty surprised. Where was that man when Henry V was being filmed? He must’ve gone on vacation with Loki. Um. I think it was probably a beautifully-done adaptation, also, but I’ve never read the play, so maybe not. Maybe they thumped the shit out of it, who knows. The Deep Blue Sea also dealt with the notion that being a “strong, intelligent woman” can often mean that you fuck up your life at five times the velocity of your stupider, less decisive sisters, which is not a thing that fiction often likes to acknowledge (unless it is being written by a misogynist). I would recommend the movie highly, especially if you like watching beautiful pallid English people with excellent cheekbones hiss miserably at one another in alleyways in the middle of night. (This is my top hobby, I could do it all day.) There is zero reason this movie wasn’t nominated for an Oscar last year — and zero reason it didn’t win — other than that ‘the Academy’ must be, somehow, even dumber than regular civilian Americans. Which is not a thing that I would ordinarily credit as a possibility, but did you actually watch War Horse? No? Just me?
Speaking of incredibly stupid Americans, I also saw The Avengers! It was quite terrible, especially the first half-hour, which was like being tied to a chair and forced to listen to a seven-year-old tell you how his Pokémon cards work. The middle wasn’t as bad, but it was still boring, and I’m pretty sure the end was just extra footage from an old Transformers film with images of Thor added in post. I would’ve slept through it, but it was too loud. However, I wasn’t as mad at it as I thought I would be, a phenomenon that I assume I can attribute entirely to Whedon. The acting was totally horrendous, except for Hiddleston and Mark Ruffalo, who deserves a Best Supporting Actor nomination for making that horrible joke part the best (“only good”) part of the movie. Lastly, I am tired of looking at computer-generated war machines, they are all ugly. Have we not got good enough war machines in the three dimensions already available?
I watched an episode of Elementary! It was not very good. I liked Jonny Lee Miller a lot, but Lucy Liu was awful and annoying — and Watson, it appears, really needs to be a man. Or, he needs to be a man if Sherlock is a man, although I suppose they both could be women. Whatever. They copied a lot of stuff from Sherlock, including the preposterous and uncanonical idea that Holmes is a jerk (although Elementary elected not to go full sociopath), as well as some camera choreography and irritating mannerisms in the soundtrack. Also the absolutely retarded idea of the mind being a “hard drive,” or in the case of Elementary an “attic,” which asjdhfjkshd. Seriously: AHFDHDSFKJH. I don’t know if that has a Conan-Doyle literary analogue, but jdshfjksdhfhkjsdfh. But so far, no glaring, offensive racism or homophobia, so that’s all right. I’m not watching anything this season so I may give Elementary another couple of chances, but if it were me I’d clear out everything but Miller and start over.
Apple products are getting so expensive :[
Did you know they’re putting Cadbury eggs out for Halloween now?
Did you hear Adele’s Bond song? I like it! 
  1. I tried to watch Parade’s End (which I compulsively attempt to refer to as Parade’s Rest, which, hahaha), but it was excruciatingly dull and I gave up. I’ve never read the series the show is based on, but I did read The Good Soldier and The Inheritors when I was in college, and I remember them both being excellent, depressing, and extensively non-dull. So, it must be a bad adaptation? Or something? Also it seems like Benedict Cumberbatch bleached all the hot out of his face when he dyed his hair. I am not normally a fictional-posh hater, but I wanted all of these characters to close the first episode by dying horrible screaming deaths by fire, in their mausoleum-like mansions. Eesh.
  2. Speaking of horrible screaming deaths by fire, I watched The Deep Blue Sea. I didn’t want to but I got out-voted, which is good, because it is an excellent movie. Really, really excellent. It reminded me a little of The End of the Affair, only it was, you know, completely different. Rachel Weisz is one of the best actors I’ve ever seen — in addition to being stunningly gorgeous and having fantastic hair — and Tom Hiddleston was also really great. He was great! Super-great. I was pretty surprised. Where was that man when Henry V was being filmed? He must’ve gone on vacation with Loki. Um. I think it was probably a beautifully-done adaptation, also, but I’ve never read the play, so maybe not. Maybe they thumped the shit out of it, who knows. The Deep Blue Sea also dealt with the notion that being a “strong, intelligent woman” can often mean that you fuck up your life at five times the velocity of your stupider, less decisive sisters, which is not a thing that fiction often likes to acknowledge (unless it is being written by a misogynist). I would recommend the movie highly, especially if you like watching beautiful pallid English people with excellent cheekbones hiss miserably at one another in alleyways in the middle of night. (This is my top hobby, I could do it all day.) There is zero reason this movie wasn’t nominated for an Oscar last year — and zero reason it didn’t win — other than that ‘the Academy’ must be, somehow, even dumber than regular civilian Americans. Which is not a thing that I would ordinarily credit as a possibility, but did you actually watch War Horse? No? Just me?
  3. Speaking of incredibly stupid Americans, I also saw The Avengers! It was quite terrible, especially the first half-hour, which was like being tied to a chair and forced to listen to a seven-year-old tell you how his Pokémon cards work. The middle wasn’t as bad, but it was still boring, and I’m pretty sure the end was just extra footage from an old Transformers film with images of Thor added in post. I would’ve slept through it, but it was too loud. However, I wasn’t as mad at it as I thought I would be, a phenomenon that I assume I can attribute entirely to Whedon. The acting was totally horrendous, except for Hiddleston and Mark Ruffalo, who deserves a Best Supporting Actor nomination for making that horrible joke part the best (“only good”) part of the movie. Lastly, I am tired of looking at computer-generated war machines, they are all ugly. Have we not got good enough war machines in the three dimensions already available?
  4. I watched an episode of Elementary! It was not very good. I liked Jonny Lee Miller a lot, but Lucy Liu was awful and annoying — and Watson, it appears, really needs to be a man. Or, he needs to be a man if Sherlock is a man, although I suppose they both could be women. Whatever. They copied a lot of stuff from Sherlock, including the preposterous and uncanonical idea that Holmes is a jerk (although Elementary elected not to go full sociopath), as well as some camera choreography and irritating mannerisms in the soundtrack. Also the absolutely retarded idea of the mind being a “hard drive,” or in the case of Elementary an “attic,” which asjdhfjkshd. Seriously: AHFDHDSFKJH. I don’t know if that has a Conan-Doyle literary analogue, but jdshfjksdhfhkjsdfh. But so far, no glaring, offensive racism or homophobia, so that’s all right. I’m not watching anything this season so I may give Elementary another couple of chances, but if it were me I’d clear out everything but Miller and start over.
  5. Apple products are getting so expensive :[
  6. Did you know they’re putting Cadbury eggs out for Halloween now?
  7. Did you hear Adele’s Bond song? I like it! 
fairytalemood

fairytalemood:

Oz the Great and Powerful trailer (2013 release) - starring James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, and Michelle Williams

Disney’s fantastical adventure “Oz The Great and Powerful,” directed by Sam Raimi, imagines the origins of L. Frank Baum’s beloved character, the Wizard of Oz. When Oscar Diggs (James Franco), a small-time circus magician with dubious ethics, is hurled away from dusty Kansas to the vibrant Land of Oz, he thinks he’s hit the jackpot—fame and fortune are his for the taking—that is until he meets three witches, Theodora (Mila Kunis), Evanora (Rachel Weisz) and Glinda (Michelle Williams), who are not convinced he is the great wizard everyone’s been expecting. Reluctantly drawn into the epic problems facing the Land of Oz and its inhabitants, Oscar must find out who is good and who is evil before it is too late. Putting his magical arts to use through illusion, ingenuity—and even a bit of wizardry—Oscar transforms himself not only into the great and powerful Wizard of Oz but into a better man as well.

MAYBE.